Has it occurred that you find that feeling of guilt pinch you from inside, when anything goes wrong with your life? Have you been tuned to believe that you are the accursed one, responsible for all the wrongs on this planet? Do you lack the confidence to achieve something big in life?
You may believe that some chemical imbalance in your brain has debilitated you, leaving behind only shadows of what you used to be. That may be partially true___ as for now…but there’s something more malignant that has dampened your liveliness and sucked out your optimism, over the years.
You have been intoxicated! No, not by an overdose of medicine but at the hands of the very people who live by your side. Whether it is a parental or a marital relation, toxic behaviours can slowly poison the love, affection and trust found in them, leaving you feel like a zombie, bereft of emotions, self-esteem and the urge to go on in life.
Here is an assemblage of some common behaviours that can help you identify how much toxicity you are breathing in everyday:
No matter how much you boast of being control of your life, if in the heart of hearts, you know for sure that your decisions are not yours alone and are greatly influenced and ultimately based on what pleases the control freaks in your house, the people around you are definitely toxic. Toxic people like to be in control and they are good at the art of letting the other person believe that it is the other way round. So, whether it’s a parent who is bent upon choosing your majors for the undergraduate degree or a spouse, asserting his control over how you look, where you go and who you meet in life, it spells trouble for sure. These people can’t accept you for the person you are. Instead, they look upon you as a possibility of actualizing or reliving their dreams. You are, to them, more like a video game character, whose actions and decisions are controlled by another person outside the game. They crush your individuality and snatch away your decision-making skills. Your dependency gives them the satisfaction of being in power and control over your life.
Nothing you do ever seems right. Toxic people are extremely hard to please. None of the efforts you make is ever enough to win over their consent and pleasure. You reach the finishing line and they have the nerve to cut off the rope and place it a few steps ahead. Their approval thresholds are way higher than you can possibly reach. You will always be the subject of their criticism. You’re each and every action will be closely scrutinized with a microscopic vision and then discarded with the remarks “THERE’S STILL ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT.” They are always looking for excuses to find faults with you. Willingly or not, they are quite focused on pushing you to the wall and tearing apart your soul with constant bombardment of derogatory and sarcastic remarks.
If such is the situation with your parent or partner, it’s time to take charge and get out of this vicious cycle. Constant criticism can suck the juice out of your life, making you feel worthless and low in self-esteem and confidence. Soon, you will start believing that it is very hard for you to actually accomplish anything in life, as you were never appreciated or encouraged when you single handedly finished a task. Broken bones may heal but a heart perforated by venomous spears of criticism can potentially leave you crippled for life.
Toxic people usually have narcissistic tendencies. Uncontrollable love for oneself can actually put the world out of perspective for them. The most important things in life revolve around their own self_ their feelings, their interests, their hobbies, their needs and the list goes on. A situation as grave as this leaves little time and space for anything related to YOU. You are totally out of focus. Narcissists usually have a liking for sycophancy. If you are not one of them, the chances are that you are at the end of their priority list, only poked when badly needed. Conversations with toxic people are difficult to initiate and when they occur at all, they are only focused upon elaborating their qualities, expectations and needs, making you feel like an invisible ghost figure. Every discussion eventually boils down to one thing and that is certainly not YOU. Any relation tilted to one side can result in misbalance in life, where one person likes to be constantly in the limelight, pushing the other toward the oblivion. People predisposed to prioritizing themselves above all others usually make you feel small, unloved, lonely and worthless.
You may ask a simple question and you will never get a simple response. The greater chances are that you won’t get any response at all because they believe they are far too superior to be answerable to anyone. But, if you’re in good luck, you will be able to pull their lips apart but for no good. They will mostly present an altered version of the real truth and will carefully omit details that can give you a better idea of the situation and their motives. At other times, they will just beat about the bush and divert the direction of the conversation so as to change position from being interrogated to the interrogator itself. You will never be able to extract a factual account of any occurrence because they are simply not designed to present things that way.
If so be the case for your spousal or a prospective business relationship, it’s time for you to head towards the door as relationships based on lie and deceit are meant to disintegrate sooner or later.
Toxic individuals usually need recurring episodes of some melodrama, to give them an egoistic boost and to re-energize their spirits. They won’t just settle with peace and serenity in the house. They feed on crisis and conflict. They derive eternal satisfaction in creating rifts and inflicting pain. No matter how much you do to please them, they would forget your doings in a head-on collision.
And the best part is that in their dramatic performances, they are always the victims.
- Claim to Perfection:
Some people have a tendency to frustrate you. This is because although they may commit mistakes, they will never admit that they can ever go wrong. The probability is that they are toxic by nature and are poisoning your soul too.
We all are humans and can erring at times but these people think too highly of themselves to accept that they can ever go wrong. Rather, they are not deterred from shifting the blame of their wrong doings on other people and sometimes on animals and inanimate things. Having a sense of pride is one thing, as it gives you the confidence to move on in life. But when pride turns to a sense of superiority with constant boasting of one’s accomplishments in life, it can be actually repulsive and drives people away. If, however, you can’t run away from such people, may they be your parents, spouse or boss, the best thing is to hear and not to listen, which means you should not pay any heed to what they say. Do not let their grandiose air stress you out and shatter your sense of self-worth.
If you come across a person, may it be an office colleague or a peer at your college, whose life is interlaced with hypocrisy, make sure you keep away from him/her. They not only harm others but also are a source of their own degradation, minute by minute, day by day. They may say one thing but believe in another. They have multiple personalities. They pretend to be what they are not.
Such people often remain confused about their own state of mind and are masters at eating back on their own words. They play double standards and are usually mentally sick. When considering relationships, parents are hardly ever hypocritical with their children but if it’s your spouse, you may not be able to get rid of him/her right away. In order to save yourself from the toxic effects of hypocrisy in marriage, it’s advisable to set boundaries with your spouse and stop trusting him/her blindly.
- One-sided relationships:
Life is about mutual give and take. They cannot work one-sidedly, whether it’s a friendship, spousal or a business relationship. People who tend to ignore the other person’s needs seldom establish long lasting relationships. Sooner or later, one-sided relationships take a flip flop turn. Toxic people are victims of self-love and consider it their right to be at the receiving end of any relationship. What you think and want in life doesn’t matter to them. They crave for praise and special attention and really create a scene when they don’t get any. They will put you down in any way but will make sure that their reputation remains safe. They are selfish and self-centred. They have no concern for what you are going through in life but want compassion in return. They easily become envious of others. They refuse to accept their own mistakes but expect complete accountability from others. They boast of their own accomplishments but forget to give you credit for yours.
As their lives revolve around centres of negativity, toxic people usually interpret your motives and actions wrongly. They find painful satisfaction in believing that they are constant victims of public assault. No matter how they behave with others, all responsive behaviour is tagged as attacking and targeted. They believe the people are out there to kill them. This victim mentality lies at the root of other toxic behaviours such as manipulation and suspicion. This helps them gather sympathy and compassion from others to gain total control of the situation and mold opinions of others their own way.
If it’s a friend, colleague or spouse who believes that he/she has been victimized and always hold others responsible for their bad lucks in life, they may infect you with pessimism and alter your view of the world to your disadvantage. Repeated episodes of blame shoving can deplete you of optimism and self-confidence. If you can’t get rid of such people such as your brother, mother or spouse, the best you can do is to try to change their way of thinking. If not, try to avoid them as much as possible. Remember that negativity is contagious and may seep into you without your knowledge!
When all the above traits are combined in a person, what comes out is MEANNESS. A mean person is at the pinnacle of toxicity. In fact, their own toxicity starts eating them from within. They become wary of any happiness around them; because they think the world is a gloomy, scary place to be. They love to backbite and spoil others’ reputations. Their envy forces them to employ tactics to defame and put you down. They are callous and lack compassion for anyone other than their own self. They can go to any length to prove themselves innocent and others guilty. They harbor extreme feelings of jealousy and can’t possibly see you excelling in life. They are overly competitive and will pull you back at every step.
Living with such people means that they will suck out every bit of positivity and enthusiasm in your life. They will leave no stone unturned to belittle and hurt you. If such people cross your path in life, the best way is to change your own path. But if you can’t and are forced to live with them such as your spouse or your siblings, the best strategy is to limit your exposure to such people and avoid excessive communication.
Bella works as a senior editor and writer at TheOneSpy. She is an ardent reader and a professional writer. She spends most of her time browsing through technology related subjects such as operation of various devices and use of mobile applications. Her writing niche includes posts on fix-ups of common problems related to and gadgets and the use of cell phone monitoring application in business, social and personal circles. Her latest article on surround your loved ones android got wide social media visibility To know more about her follow on twitter @bellaryan8901