This is a guest post submitted by Bellaisa from the Relationship Circle…
You go out on a date, you have an amazing time, and you expect to hear from them soon. Only soon never comes and you are left wondering why your date never called you or returned your calls. There are many different reasons for this happening, but one common dating mistake is expecting too much, too soon.
If you expect too much on a first date then you can seriously scare away a potential love interest. Most people do not want to go directly from a single life to a first date and then head into a clingy and needy situation. First dates should be about getting to know each other and deciding whether you want to get to know more – not about commitment.
Some Signals That You Are Expecting Too Much
You may not even know you are giving off these signs. Sometimes it’s the message behind the words that really scares someone off because of the threat of long-term expectations. The important thing is to catch yourself when you are in the process of creating the impression that you expect a lot more than just a first date. Here are some things to watch for.
Talking About Your Friends Happy Marriage
This may seem innocent enough, but it can give off the impression that you are longing for that exact same happy marriage right now. Once you start talking about the way they look at each other and the way they support each other your date may start to wonder if you are jealous of their marriage and if you are expecting him or her to join you in a happy union just like them.
This doesn’t have to be about your friends. It could be about any happy couple out there! The underlying message will still be there. You can talk about relationships and what you expect out of them, but don’t dreamily discuss how beauty and the beast made you break down in tears and you can’t wait to find something like that.
Making Plans for the Future
Talking about future plans together can send a signal that you expect future plans, even if that’s not what you are trying to say. It adds a certain uncomfortable feeling to the conversation that doesn’t need to be there.
It doesn’t matter how innocent you think it is – if it’s about the future avoid it! This includes travel, holidays, marriage, kids and anything else that would have to involve a committed relationship of some sort…or at the very least some history together. So even if you think you would be great mountain climbing partners, save that thought for a future date.
Talking About Introducing Your Friends or Family
Remember that you don’t have to make definite plans to scare away your date, it’s the underlying message that counts. So if you talk about how great you think your date and your mom would get along then you are sending a message that you are expecting more than just this first date.
Meeting friends and family is normally reserved for someone you are starting to get serious about, not someone that you just met. Discuss your friends and family but don’t make your date feel like they are going to have to meet them in the very near future.
Being Too Pushy About a Second Date
If the date is going good then you will probably make mention of going on a second date, and that’s fine, but when you start to talk about another date with complete certainty then you can come across as though you expect a date – and possibly a third, fourth, or even a committed relationship.
Avoid saying things like ‘When we get together next weekend’ or ‘I will show you how it works when I see you on Friday’ because that will carry the tone of expectations. Instead say things like ‘if we get together again I will show you how good I am at…’ and you won’t sound like you are expecting anything.
Following Up Too Much
This is probably the biggest mistake. It’s after the date, but it sends the biggest message. If you call your date twenty times after your date, and it’s only been two days, then you will be sending the message that you expect too much, too soon and you will most definitely scare them away forever.
It’s okay to follow the date up with a phone call or a quick message. That’s how you let your date know that you enjoyed yourself and you would like to get together again. But if you follow up with too many messages then it just gets creepy and weird.
So remember that your first date is about getting to know each other. If you fall in love with your date and start dreaming about babies and marriage with them that’s fine, just don’t let them know that. Pressure to commit to someone they barely know will most likely scare them away, and if you really like them then that’s the last thing you want to do.
About the author:
Bellaisa writes at the Relationship Circle, a blog with relationship advice for men and women on everything from relationship issues to how to find love.