Your wife just isn’t as emotionally invested in the marriage as she used to be. Up to this point you probably have attributed it to her changing moods or a passing phase. After all, marriage isn’t always the easiest road to travel, is it? There are sometimes unforeseen bumps along the way that we need to adjust to.
She’s become so distant now that you just don’t know whether the marriage can even be saved. You’re concerned that it’s too late to fix this mess and there’s no way of getting your wife back in love. You may be wrong about that. With a calculated approach and some compassionate insight you can change the entire dynamic of the marriage and get your wife to reinvest herself emotionally again.
There is a very fine line of distinction between loving someone and being in love with them. One is about a quiet concern for a person while the other brims over with passion and desire. Many marriages cycle through a period where the romance just fizzles. It sometimes happens after the birth of a child, when financial pressure becomes too much or even when a couple has been married for many years and have grown complacent. This may very well be what is happening with you and your wife right now. Her “in love” feelings for you may be masked by conflict, anger or just plain boredom.
Don’t Ignore What She’s Feeling. Before you do anything else, you must acknowledge and address what your wife is feeling. This is the woman you love and she needs to feel that love from you. If you abandon her feelings by pretending they don’t exist or you suggest they’ll pass when “she’s in a better mood” that will only serve to make her feel even more emotionally disconnected from you.
You have to talk with her about what she’s feeling and this must be done in a calm and compassionate manner. Let her know that although this is very hard for you, you are committed to helping her deal with what she’s feeling and that your sole goal is to save the marriage.
Help Her More Whenever Possible. Every woman wants to feel as though her husband can read her mind and anticipate her every need. Obviously it’s not possible for you to do that but it is very possible for you to help her more whenever it’s convenient. A woman feels more connected to her spouse when he puts in a concerted effort to be there for her.
That may be something as simple as preparing breakfast for her and the children a few times a week or taking on more chores around the house. By putting in more effort to help, without her having to ask you for your assistance, you’ll be showing your wife that her needs are paramount to you and that you’re placing them above your own.
Treat Her as You Did When You First Met. Remember back to when you first laid eyes on your wife? That feeling of being overwhelmed by her presence and wanting nothing more than to wrap your arms around her was wonderful, wasn’t it? She needs and wants to feel that again. By showing your wife that you still absolutely adore her, you’ll begin the process of bridging the emotional gap that is now between you two. Small, heartfelt gestures can have a strong impact on a woman who feels she’s fallen out of love.
Bring her a single flower occasionally, pick up her favorite chocolate and place it on her pillow before bed and run her a bubble bath, then tell her to take her time relaxing. Although these gestures may feel inconsequential in light of the seriousness of your wife’s feelings, they’re not. They are small ways of showing her just how much you still love and want her.
Taking the time and putting in the effort to demonstrate to your wife how much you want the marriage to work can soften her heart. Stay devoted to your wife, committed to the marriage and allow her to see your vulnerable side. Recreating an emotional connection has to begin with you wearing your heart on your sleeve and proudly proclaiming how much your wife, and the life you two have created, mean to you.
Gillian Reynolds offers insightful guidance for men looking to rebuild their marriage. You can read more about what you can do to reconnect with your wife on Gillian’s blog How to Make Your Wife Love You