Most of us have been in a fight that left us nothing but pain. All the bitterness we felt had taken its root. Hearts that are once open now have been closed – so protected that we built a thick armor around it so we can never feel the pain again. Though we may bury and forget the pain, it may still bother us to the point that it already affects our present relationship.
In my experience, it was until I get a bit older when I finally realized the significance of fair fighting and disagreements in any relationship. The way you fight and the way you express the things that upset you is really important. The way you handle the conflicts can really dictate how your relationship will go from one point to another. It has a great influence on whether you can be trusted or just a safe person that your partner can disagree to.
Without any knowledge about fair fighting and disagreements with your partner can result in damaged relationships and lost love. So here, I compiled the 7 best tips on what to do when it comes to fair fighting in relationship. This may require some practice on your part and may seem hard to apply especially when you’re at the heat of the moment. But once you have that clean intentions of cleaning up your relationship a bit, I’m pretty sure you will succeed because you can simply go back and talk about it later when things are calmer and the two of you are in a mood for the talk.
1.) When you’re at the heat of the moment and you feel what others are saying – the slow burn, then stop for a moment. You’re just angry at this time and your emotions are filled with rage that you may forget the things that you should be saying to your partner. This is not the right time to talk.
2.)Your partner is not your enemy. At this point your survival instinct is telling you that your partner is an enemy of yours, a threat to your security that must be won and survived. And this can just lead you to say anything that comes into your mind and having that thought that you must win the battle at all cost which is a very big mistake if you fall for this.
3.) Don’t link your emotional issues from the past to your present one. Again whenever you’re upset, your survival instinct is injecting things in your mind and start making links from those that happened in the past to your present situation. Things like, “this is what all men do” or “this is what all women do.” Please, you must avoid this.
4.) Have a break and start asking yourself if you’re in a state of anger to talk things out. If in case the answer is a big yes then you must have a timeout and get a distance from your partner. Just keep everything cool and remind yourself that you’re angry at the moment and that you can never fix anything when you’re in this situation.
5.) Always stay on the topic and never get out of it. This is not the perfect chance for you to unload all the ugly things that you’ve been hiding for years. Let it go because if you use these as reasons for a breakup, the fighting will be in cycle with no end.
6.) Don’t forget to apologize. It doesn’t matter who started the fight or who’s wrong between the two of you. You can always start by saying, “I am deeply sorry for what just happened. I get your point and start imagining how difficult it is if I were in your shoes.”
7.) Never use negative words on your partner. Words like stupid, bitch, asshole, whore etc. must be off limits. If you do, your relationship will suffer more even if you have just won the current battle. Please keep this in mind and still show some respect to your partner.
Every one of us has the right to feel the way that we do. What’s most important is how are we going to be heard and understood by our partner. If you follow the simple tips above, your relationship will surely grow and become stronger that can stand for a long time.