Have you ever wondered if “working” on a relationship is worth all the effort and trouble?
Jamie is asking herself this question a lot lately. She’s been in too many disappointing and unhappy relationships in the past and had just about given up on love. Then she met a great guy who she’s been casually dating for the past couple of months. He’s sweet, considerate and fun to spend time with and recently he asked her to be exclusive. Jamie really likes him but she’s worried about becoming a “couple.” To have a successful relationship, seems to Jamie to require a lot of hard work with no guarantees.
“Is this a risk worth taking?” she wonders.
There are no guarantees when it comes to a love relationship or marriage. Nobody can know whether or not you and the one you’re dating or have been in a relationship with for awhile will stay together for the long-term. Nobody can tell you that YES you will be blissfully happy together and that the happiness will last.
What we can tell you is this…
When you make your new or current relationship a priority, even if it feels like hard work at times and even if there are painful moments, it IS worth it. You may not be happy every minute of every day but you will know that you’re giving this your all.
When you put in effort, whether you and your partner ultimately stay together or not, you’ll know you did your best. When you give it your best, it’s far more likely that you will have a close and connected relationship because you’ve focused time and energy on creating one.
There are many things about a love relationship that are beyond your control. You can’t control what your date or partner will say and do, but you do have complete control over how you will be and how you will respond to your partner.
This is good news and can make a positive difference.
More good news is that it doesn’t have to feel like hard work to improve your relationship. In fact, the more you approach it as “hard work,” the more difficult and unpleasant it will seem. Set an intention to make changes in yourself and your life that support what you want.
Then be easy about it. Let your broader intention lead you instead of forcing things. This doesn’t mean that you try not to care– just the opposite! This means that you make conscious decisions that will benefit your relationship and you do so in a light and (when appropriate) playful way.
Remember these 3 tips for love that’s worth the effort…
#1: Be willing to open your heart and let love come in.
Uncover any blocks you have to intimacy and invite in more openness to love. This could mean that you heal what’s painful and unresolved from your past. It could also mean that you pay attention to your habitual thoughts that may keep you shut down or emotionally inaccessible.
#2: Let go of the past.
Release anything about your past that makes you fearful of moving forward into a life and relationship filled with possibilities. Do what you can to make peace with your past choices and forgive yourself and others as much as you can. This will free you up to do what needs to be done in the here and now.
#3: Decide that you deserve love and you want love.
Don’t underestimate the power of knowing clearly what you want and believing that you deserve to have it. Once you do decide that you want to attract a partner or to have more effective communication with your partner or closer intimacy with your spouse, then really focus in on making that a reality.
Make sure that you’re making conscious choices as often as you can that will point you toward what you want. And be sure to have fun along the way. Change can be uncertain and a little scary, but it doesn’t have to be. Your thoughts, beliefs and attitude will help you take action that will bring you happiness and love.
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