ex wants to be friendsWe’ve all experienced break-ups.  It seems to be one of those life experiences everyone endures at some point or another.  Some break-ups, however, are worse than others.  Bad break-ups are typically long-term and generally don’t end well.  Here are some tips for dealing with one of those rough break-ups.

Get Perspective
With every break-up, there’s that period of time in which you simply don’t and won’t accept that the relationship is over.  In yours, and perhaps your ex’s, mind, you’re on “a break,” or believe that you will get back together in the future.  Every situation is different and because the future is impossible to know, we all have hope.  It is at this point that you need to work to keep your distance from you ex, no matter how low you feel.  It is imperative that you get perspective on your relationship and you cannot do that if you are still so emotionally attached to your ex.  Through perspective you can analyze the relationship, understand whether you were truly happy and compatible with each other, and whether the good times truly outweighed the bad.  Getting to this place emotionally will take time; perhaps months depending on your emotional state and the length and depth of the relationship.

Take Time to Mourn
The disintegration of a relationship is very similar, unfortunately, to the death of a loved one; at least initially.  This is true in the sense that, put quite bluntly, you will not be seeing, speaking to, or emotionally available to this person anymore.  Give yourself a few weeks to lie around and feel sorry for yourself; mourn the loss of your relationship.  It’s going to hurt, you’re going to feel terrible, and you’re going to believe, falsely, that things will never get better again.

Break the Habit
Then the hard part really comes: Force yourself out of your mourning period.  Go out as much as possible.  Accept invites you wouldn’t normally, hang out with people you wouldn’t normally, and make your friends and family your number one priority.  Many people throw themselves into a project, hobby, or sport.  It is vital that you stay busy.  However, it is also important that you face what is happening to you.  The point of staying busy is not to ignore what has happened; it is to break you of surrounding your everyday life the relationship that no longer is.

Even after you’ve determined that the break-up was a good thing, you will find yourself drawn at weak moments to contact your ex.  This, however, has little to do with your feelings and more to do with habit and comfort.  For a period of time, this person was the person you went to when you felt bad; he/she was your comfort zone.  You need to break this.  Find a trusted friend or family member to make your temporary comfort zone; tell them how you feel, discuss the broken relationship, and get their perspective.  Many times, outsiders can better understand, topically, your relationship than you can because your emotions get in the way of viewing your relationship objectively.  And voicing your feelings will help you realize them and move on from them.

Talk, Talk, Talk
Talk to friends and family about your relationship; again, this is to get an objective outlook on it.  Especially talk to those who have gone through a terrible break-up in the past or might be going through one now.  One of the worse feelings during a break-up is feeling alone, and in some ways you are.  You are locked in your own emotional torture.  Understanding that others have felt similar, not the same, and learning how they dealt with those feelings is important to your progress after the break-up.

This guest post brought to us by Sara Witt, a guest blogger.  In addition to writing about relationships, Sara also writes about the law field.  Horrified by the way some attorneys hoodwink citizens in need of council, Sara set out to provide laypersons with a resource to help them with the legal process.  As such, Sara writes articles to help citizens make informed decisions when hiring a personal injury attorney.