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When You Should Say “When”

We’ve all heard it, “Say, ‘When,’ when there’s enough ______.”  Knowing when you’ve got enough pepper on your broccoli is simple; knowing when to get out of your relationship is a whole other story.  There’s no way to view it logically; it’s not a math problem.  The problem with relationships is that our emotional well-being is involved, and emotions are not always logical.  Below you’ll find the symptoms that indicate that you should say “when” in your relationship.

Tension and Arguing Accounts for the Brunt of Your Relationship

Arguing is a normal part of being in any kind of relationship, but particularly a committed romantic one.  However, this does not mean that you and your partner should be arguing all the time.  Arguing is exhausting and makes for two very unhappy people.  Additionally, not arguing at all is equally unhealthy as it leads to tension.  Tension is caused by avoiding arguments; it is a passive-aggressive behavior people adopt when they don’t want to deal with their problems.

One of You Views the Other as a DIY Project

breakupFor the most part, you should accept your partner as they were when you began dating.  You shouldn’t spend your time attempting to change them or stay with them in hopes that they will change in the future.  It’s not that people can’t or don’t need to change; it’s that they have to want to change.  And you cannot expect a person to change themselves in a way that suits what you want in a partner; such a relationship will, in effect, be a lie because you are attempting to form your partner into something he/she is not.  If you’re in a relationship where you view your partner as a DIY project, chances are that you do not really love him or her, but in fact are in love with the idea of what he or she could be.

You See the Worst of Yourself

If in the midst of your relationship you come to dislike yourself for one or more of the following reasons, then you should seriously consider getting out.  First, if your partner breaks you down to the point where you don’t like yourself.  Being in a relationship is sort of an odd thing.  While you care about each other, small negative qualities about yourself come to light.  This is not because the relationship is abusive, but because in sharing your life with someone, you come to better understand yourself as you are intimate with someone who views you outside of yourself.  However, if your partner makes you feel ugly, stupid, insecure, crazy, puts down your beliefs, ideas, feelings, income, family, etc., then this is a serious sign that you are in an abusive relationship.

Second, if in being so unhappy with the other person, you find yourself doing and saying things that make you dislike yourself.  You might, in the midst of a fight, say something hurtful.  Take out your frustrations with your partner on others.  You might become so insecure with yourself that you isolate yourself from family and friends.  These are signs you are in an unhealthy relationship.

Your Relationship Feels Insecure

A relationship filled with jealousy and mistrust is by no means healthy.  Given that both you and your partner are faithful, you need to ask yourself what prompted you or your partner to feel that way; people generally don’t experience jealousy or mistrust without reason.  And if the simple fact is that you don’t trust your partner or experience jealousy because he or she may have been, or has given you reason to believe may be, unfaithful in the future, then what reason do you have to stay?

Allison Dean is a freelance writer and guest blogger from Texas.  After graduating college, Allison set her sights on blogging about the topics that interest her, which range from financial advice to green topics to the medical malpractice law industry.  Still in Texas, Allison lives with her black lab, Bluebell, and spends her free time reading.Similar Posts:

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