Abusive relationships can suddenly come crashing down on your fairy love story. It’s natural to feel frustrated and broken down emotionally from within, whilst some relationships you can work at, there are ones that are physically or emotionally abusive, and you need the strength to walk out.
But overcoming such bond – even though it is hurting you – can be easier said than done, or this may just be what you believe right now! Whilst there are a few things that need to be considered, getting our of an abusive relationship will be the best thing you have ever done!
Identify an Abusive Relationship
Identifying the abusiveness in your relationship is the first step. This may be clear to an outsider, but for those of us who are in such relationship, can be the hardest thing to see. It is because we are very good at blaming ourselves for other’s outburst or unacceptable behaviour.
Abuse can happen in many ways. There is physical abuse – if your partner is hitting you or is harming you some other physical way, you have to wake up to yourself! That sort of behaviour is never OK. You need to get out of there quick and fast.
There is sexual abuse. Yes, this can happen in a relationship, not just out of it. If you said no and your partner still goes ahead and forces you to have sex, it is abuse. You need to get away from such situation, because firstly, it is wrong. Secondly, over time if you keep allowing it, it will take away all your confidence and self worth.
Then there is emotional abuse. This one is very hard to detect, because unless you become aware that your partner is trying to use shame, guilt and fear to systematically manipulate you, you will not wake up to this for a while. In fact you will be trying to explain how you have done something wrong to make him/her feel insecure. If you don’t deal with it, you will end up walking on eggshells giving up control of your own life.
Move Past It
It’s natural to have feelings for an abusive lover. After all you have been in a relationship not in some game. There will be times when you will wonder why someone who loves you can hurt you so much. The feelings are normal. But you know that your partner had played a pivotal role in determining your decision. No relationship can survive one-sided. You have held on to the string for long. But it’s time to stop hurting yourself and move on. Understand the feelings, but after that, stop dwelling on it. There’s no point in looking back in to the past.
You have to understand that them being abusive is NOT YOUR FAULT. That is the way they are dealing with their insecurity, because they feel that by bringing you down they will be better off.
Overcome the Grief
Moving on takes time. You cannot get over it all of a sudden. There will be times when you will feel intense sadness, grief and despair. That’s because it was a relationship that you had been in for a year or two, or even more than that. You too had built many future hopes and dreams based on it. But now it’s all over and you have made the right decision for you.
It is normal to feel a sense of loss, however if it continues and interferes with your life, get some professional help to help you overcome the experience that you have been through.
The end of an abusive relation might leave you with endless strings of open wounds and raw emotions. To truly deal with your reactions you need to allow yourself to really feel them and express them. When you feel sad, it is OK to cry, in fact I say cry until you cannot cry no more. If you feel anger, like you want to hit something, please do so. If you push any bent up emotions under the carpet that relate to your abusive relationship, you will never truly move on.
Start Loving Yourself
Love yourself before you love others. Being in a relationship does not mean that you will have to damage the person in you. If you have already, start identifying yourself. Focus on things that had mattered to you in the past. Build them again.
Emotional pain takes time to heal. But consistent love and care will help you to eventually heal. So don’t stop losing hope in yourself. Rather discuss your issues with a therapist, who can bring you some mental peace and happiness.